Yesterday's post was really the introduction for this one. I got a lot of good feedback from you guys and it helped me in determining the best ways to handle a frenemy.
We all have our quirks and bad habits, so it's completely normal in a friendship to get annoyed by each other now and again. It's normal to disagree and even take breaks from each other. However, there are a few questions you should ask yourself in order to determine what kind of friend she is.
-How You Know-
1. Does she have my best interests at heart?
It's a cold, hard punch to the gut to realize that a friend no longer has your best interests at heart. An ever harder blow if they've skipped over indifference and straight to quiet loathing.
2. Am I excited to spend time with her or does it leave me feeling drained and on edge?
When you see her number pop up on your phone are you excited or filled with dread? Does she constantly spit venom veiled with sarcasm, leaving you feeling confused and hurt?
"...It seemed like every time I felt good or looked good she had to bring me down. I posted a picture that I loved from our Navy Ball on Facebook and she immediately picked up on the one flaw in the picture and commented on it."
3. Does she use or manipulate other people?
While it can be hard to see what a friend is doing to us, it's usually fairly easy to see if they do it to other people. If so, it's safe to assume that you are probably not the exception to her rule.
-What You Do-
"...tell 'em to bug off, de-clutter your life and move on. Who needs that crap, anyway? Frenemies are just enemies that try too hard to save face."
Nine times out of ten I will agree with Bonnie. It doesn't really matter if she used to be your best friend because now she's turning into your worst nightmare. And the scariest part? She will make you just as vindictive and two-faced as she is if you keep feeding her ego and then hating yourself for it. That said, there is that one instance that you will figure it out, fix it, get to the heart of the matter and maybe even find that you were the one at fault. I speak from experience, folks. While I've had my share of hair-eating psychos and certifiable egomaniacal frenemies, I'm not proud to admit that I've been at fault a time or two. Usually completely unaware that I was hurting anyone but alas, I was. And unfortunately even when you inadvertently hurt her feelings sometimes she will hurt yours back. And when that's the case she's not a frenemy but a friend with busted up feelings and you just need to talk to her and find out what the expletive is going on.
" I kind of just ignored her until recently we ended up at an event together. I sucked it up, and started talking "like we used to" (before the enemy thing) and honestly, everything went back to normal!
Okay guys, this is important too, because like I said earlier, sometimes we just need a break from each other. And that's normal!! I had a really really good friend once who lived two minutes away from me for over a year. We spent almost every day of our husband's deployment together and though I loved her and her kids, after a while I just needed a break. Dumb stuff she did that shouldn't have mattered started to annoy me and I had to take a step back. BEWARE that when/if you do this you will probably hurt her feelings and she will hate you forever. But hey, in Annie's case it worked so you've got a 50/50 chance.
So do you keep her or cut her off?
Well folks, that's on you. If you imagine her moving far away and feel nothing but unabashed joy then I'd say it's time to walk away. And when I say walk away I don't mean be cruel and tell everyone how awful she is. If you do that YOU will look like the bad guy. I literally mean walk away. If she wants to run her mouth then let her, because anyone who matters will know better than to believe her. When she runs out of steam she will find a new outlet for her issues and you'll be free free free!!!!
In closing, some words of wisdom from Hillary, quoting somebody else, who said:
"Be careful who you open up to. Only a few people actually care, the rest are just curious."