On occasion in my life I have met someone and immediately recognized that for whatever reason they have already decided to dislike me. The dismissive glances, the forced interest in whatever it is I'm saying or the Facebook friend request that goes ignored until my pride is hurt and in a fit of passive aggressive rage I cancel it.
(You know who you are.)
Any girl who has gone through the public education system is perceptive enough to know when another girl doesn't like you, especially when she makes no attempts to hide it.
The bad news? Her presence might make social functions a little less fun. And if you're a military wife like me you might continue to run into her no matter how many times you move. If it makes you feel better, just ask her why you feel like she wants to claw your face off. Tell me how that works out for you.
The good news? She's a stranger. She doesn't know you, so don't take it personally. She probably has pica and dreams about eating your hair. Be glad you're not friends with such a total whack nugget.
The good news? She's a stranger. She doesn't know you, so don't take it personally. She probably has pica and dreams about eating your hair. Be glad you're not friends with such a total whack nugget.
BUT
What do you do when it is personal? What do you do when it's not a stranger who wants to eat your hair, but a friend who starts giving off subtle cues that you are no longer as beloved as you once were? Little by little, snub by snub, it becomes clear that you are no longer strictly in the 'friend' category, nor have you done anything to merit a full downgrade to 'enemy'. Yet somehow you've become frenemies.
So what now?
Maybe you're obsessed with The Hills and "make a frenemy" was on your to-do list anyway, so yay! Now you two crazy kids go get some smoothies and collagen injections and we'll catch up later! For the rest of you, if you love your friend and if the thought of losing her upsets you, then you should probably figure out what's going on.
So to all my readers, have you ever had a frenemy and if so, what did you do (if anything)? Tomorrow I'll give some personal tips for how to handle a frenemy and hopefully include a few from you guys! (I will accept anonymous comments and if you email me but want me to change your name just specify!)
Until then here are a few good articles on the subject and of course, the clip that started me thinking about what exactly a frenemy is.
5 Signs Your Friend Is Really A Frenemy
The Friendship Detox: How to Say Goodbye and Good Riddance
So what now?
Maybe you're obsessed with The Hills and "make a frenemy" was on your to-do list anyway, so yay! Now you two crazy kids go get some smoothies and collagen injections and we'll catch up later! For the rest of you, if you love your friend and if the thought of losing her upsets you, then you should probably figure out what's going on.
So to all my readers, have you ever had a frenemy and if so, what did you do (if anything)? Tomorrow I'll give some personal tips for how to handle a frenemy and hopefully include a few from you guys! (I will accept anonymous comments and if you email me but want me to change your name just specify!)
Until then here are a few good articles on the subject and of course, the clip that started me thinking about what exactly a frenemy is.
5 Signs Your Friend Is Really A Frenemy
The Friendship Detox: How to Say Goodbye and Good Riddance
oh wow... I just went through this. I kind of just ignored her until recently we ended up at an event together. I sucked it up, and started talking "like we used to" (before the enemy thing) and honestly, everything went back to normal!?
ReplyDeleteI ALWAYS try to remember a Bible passage "A kind word turns away wrath"... no matter how much that biotch hates you, if you give her a genuine compliment its amazing how different she will start acting.
Ugh. Or, she's bat-shit freaking crazy and waits months to let you know you upset her, but it's always in this format: "Hi. This is an email/text with something useful you might want to know. Also, you said/did X so many months ago and it upset me/someone else I know. Just thought you should know! LYLAS! Bye!" And then get crazy mad when I don't apologize they way she wanted me to. Oh, and talk shit about me on facebook. And tell me I'm a dishonor to my husband and the unit. Yes, this was after Aaron lost his legs. I handled it the only way I knew how: Let everyone know that she was off her freaking rocker, and let command know about the situation because it had potential to screw up homecoming. Between that and a few other "lovely ladies" from Aaron's last unit, I'm not too sad the AD Army life is behind us.
ReplyDeleteJeez, what a nutcase.
Ugh, I have too my frienemies, because I tend to be drawn to bitches with baggage. It really sucks and took a long time for me to be able to stand up for myself.
ReplyDeleteIt's hard to tell at first, I'm a trusting person...to a fault. My hubby could see it a mile away and told me from the beginning of this "friendship" that she wasn't a true friend, she uses people, just wants attention, etc. But i defended our "friendship", i would laugh off comments that hurt my feelings, or how she pointed out flaws/insecurities about what i looked like. I would trust her when she said, "Tell me, tell me, we're best friends!", not realizing she didn't really care, she just wanted gossip or to know my secrets. I would make excuses for why I was carrying the relationship, putting forth all the effort and didn't realize during the moment that her excuse of "just not being that way/emotional/invested" was actually because she didn't care. I was just another person that could adore her and be a # on her friends list.
ReplyDeleteI honestly still held hope for this friendship until I started having opposing views then she did, speaking out in opposite of what she may have liked and it upset her. So basically i realized unless i was kissing ass, supporting every opinion she has, basically a minion follower, that she wasn't my friend. Because as soon as I wasn't any of those things, she dropped me like a bad habit. Well, she kind of dropped me before that, but i didn't realize it but dropped me for good once i actually started voicing my own opinions and not "drinking the kool-aid" so to speak. To tell you the truth, I'm glad...i was so glad it was over, i was naieve not realizing that what i thought was a real friendship was just "frenemies", i couldn't believe it. But i was tired of the drama, and i was grateful i didn't have to have it in my life anymore. If people only want you for one thing then it's toxic and not worth having in your life anyway. We still have a lot of mutual friends and I don't mind at all, I'm just glad i don't have to have the drama or fakeness in my life anymore. ANd it was exhausting always continuously building her up, and because I didn't need to be spending my time making sure she always knew how incredible she was, when i was getting sucked dry on the other end. It's sad realizing she is truly insecure and unhappy with herself enough to push anyone else down to make herself feel better. And i realized that's why she's not invested in the friendship because she doesn't want true friends, she wants people there telling her how awesome she is to validate her own insecurities...and when you stop doing that constantly,she doesn't need you cuz she can just find someone else to replace you just like that. My true friends know who I am, love me for me, and reciprocate care, love, and concern in our friendships.
There is a quote I found on Pinterest along time ago and it spoke volumes to me cuz it's absolutely true! "Be careful who you open up to. only a few people actually care, the rest are just curious."
I'm sorry you're going through this, it does suck, especially when you have to keep running into each other, but just know life is so much brighter and better when you don't have to concern yourself with all the insignificant drama it creates in your life. Keep your pretty head up!
xoxo
hillary
Ohhh, yes. Those frenemies always seem to be around. I wrote something similar not too long ago...
ReplyDeleteHow to Deal With Difficult People: http://semperwifey.blogspot.com/2012/09/top-5-ways-to-deal-with-difficult-people.html
Downgrade them- frenemy to enemy, tell 'em to bug off, de-clutter your life and move one. Who needs that crap, anyway? Frenemies are just enemies that try too hard to save face. It's disgusting. Once a frenemy, never a friend.
ReplyDeletebeautiful blog)
ReplyDeletewelcome :)
Maybe we follow each other?
my blog
http://anngrigorieva.blogspot.com/
http://anngrigorieva.blogspot.com/
http://anngrigorieva.blogspot.com/
I agree with Bonnie, maybe I'm short fused but I have zero tolerance for B.S. I take that back, I'm not typically short fused, (until i'm PMSing), I'm just very emotionally sensitive. So I'm not strong enough to brush off smug remarks or "jokes" that are actually insinuating something personally offensive. Do some fall cleaning and get the negativity out of your life, you're in a new country with so many positive opportunities and an awesome culture to learn about. I don't allow room for Debbie Downers in my life or heart, and you don't have to either. Usually if you just cut them off and quit responding they get the point. When I first moved to fort myers, the girls at work were REALLY mean to me, so i just kept being me, and just keeping to myself. One day the enemies all said, "we should all do a girls day!" And later that night one of them told me that after I walked away, one said, "You know we'd never hang out with her outside of work!" "ROAR OF LAUGHTER FROM ALL" ... After that, I merely acknowledged their existence in the same room, and one by one they all started calling and texting to hang out... I never agree, I either don't respond, or just say "Sorry, I can't." Now, after three years, the calls are very few and far between. Like TheWholeFamDamily above said, they don't really care, they're just curious.
ReplyDeleteUghhhh that video made me cringe, and we ALL have had friends like that. I have a problem of trusting people too much at first and it just ends up ruining me in the end. Thankfully, after making the decision to cut out a couple toxic friends, I feel like I am beginning to learn the difference between an acquaintance and a friend. The past year has been extremely critical for me because I learned the kind of friend I want to be to others, one that is encouraging, loving, and not judgmental of their decisions.
ReplyDelete