Friday, October 15, 2010

Make Her Famous

There is an old "military tradition" that I apparently didn't know about until today.

"Make this bi*#ch famous"

When a wife or girlfriend cheats on her deployed significant other, mass forwards spread via cell phone and email contacts including the girl's name as well as pornographic images of the girl (likely taken herself for her deployed hubby or boyfriend).

I learned about this today after receiving such a text (TMI doesn't even cover it). I can't imagine being deployed and finding out your wife or girlfriend is a slut-box. However, this is not the way to go about it. Not a classy move. Extremely distasteful and the possible legal ramifications of such action could come back to haunt YOU, not her.

So, a note to all the jilted lovers serving our country:

I realize you probably feel helpless deployed and you probably want to lash out, but if you want to come out on top you have to listen to me. I have a plan.

Lady's guide for the deployed guy who finds he's a cuckold (look it up). Instead of leaking her private pictures, this is what you should be doing:
1) First of all, you should NEVER entrust a girl you've been dating for a month to your finances, home, car or other. I don't care if you're in love. I don't care if she got your name tattooed on her wrist. I don't care if you're married or she's pregnant. Set up an allotment for her if that's the case, but don't be stupid.

2) If cheating is confirmed, leave reconciliation for after homecoming. You cannot handle this and do your job.

3) If you were stupid and she has all your debit and credit cards, shut her down. Call your bank, your credit card company and make sure no one but YOU can access your money. Change passwords, pin numbers and if she's part of a joint account, reroute your cash flow to an individual account. If you have children, make sure you have a documented allotment for them.

4) Don't be afraid to hurt her pretty little feelings. If she dangles reconciliation in front of you to keep you from restricting her financials, you are getting played.

5)If divorce is likely, talk to your JAG. See what your options are.

6) By taking the right (legal) steps to ensuring that you are protected, you are taking the high road and getting the upper hand. If you waste all your time trying to humiliate or hurt this chick she will be the one laughing all the way to the bank.

7) You have better things to do than worry about her, as she's obviously not worried about you. Success is truly the best revenge.

8) Try to be civil. Especially if you have children. Your job is not to punish her. Your job is move on and make a better situation for yourself (and your kids if you have them).

*And I have to say, if you're gonna send your man saucy pics, keep in mind that there is ALWAYS a chance that they will somehow be leaked. If you would be humiliated by that, DON'T SEND THEM!!