I got an email last week warning that my domain was set to expire and my payment information was no longer valid. I tried to login to my admin account to update it, but since I have a new computer I was temporarily locked out. I started No Model Lady five years ago, so none of my verification phone numbers exist anymore. I emailed Google and received a twenty-five question identity confirmation, with questions like:
“What was the locker number of that boy you liked in 1992?”
“What was the name of the girl who made you feel bad that one time?”
All that work just to hold on to this little space.
Like an old friend I’ve grown apart from, I wonder if I keep this up out of habit and obligation rather than genuine interest. These days I write far more than I post here, so do I really need my own platform to post at all? I'm not sure.
I answered the questions and attached a half-hearted tirade against what truly was a most idiotic process, and then I waited. If my validation answers were rejected, this site would pass into the hands of domain poachers who would likely offer to sell it back to me for an obscene amount. I have no self-important delusions of broad significance, and my days of drawing motivation from page views and free shit are long since passed. At times scrolling through posts is no different than reading old journal entries, but occasionally it feels uncomfortable, like wandering through an old digital shrine I built to myself. It was both unsettling and reassuring to find that I was not upset at the thought of losing all of this.
As it happened, Google acquiesced and No Model Lady is mine for another year. I don't know what that means, if anything, but for now I'm still here, conflicted as always.